Satire

When I first read this:

In an extraordinary last-minute attempt to keep Terri Schiavo alive, Republican leaders in Congress said early Friday they'll summon Schiavo to Washington to testify before them and open a congressional investigation, effectively postponing the removal of the brain-damaged woman's feeding tube that was scheduled for 1 p.m. today.

I really and truly assumed for a moment that I was living in an episode of South Park. How in the hell is a woman in a PVS going to testify? Because I'm a bad person, I began imagining Timmy! or Special Ed before the congressional committee ("Yayyyy!").

Memo: pulse != life

"Loosely" based on this alJazeera article and this story from this site:

Hamas: Statements Were In Error

WEST BANK - Hamas issued a correction and an apology, Sunday, for confusion generated by recent public statements.
"Hamas apologizes for any confusion and false-hope generated by our recent statements. It is possible to interpret these statements as meaning that Hamas supports non-violent activity when in fact it does not," said a senior Hamas official speaking before a suicide-bomber brainwashing clinic.
Hope was raised in the past few days that Hamas might declare a cease-fire and recognize Israel as a country with a right to exist.
"We reiterate our goal of liberating the whole of Palestine from the Zionist enemy and casting them into the sea."

[/satire] (but not by much, really)